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Sunday, February 26, 2012

Horror/Slasher Movies: Old School vs Remakes: Friday The 13th

I did one of my favorite things in the world to do the other day that is next to terrifying and torturing you all until you shit or piss yourselves before watching the the life slowly drain out of you. That is have a good old long horror/slasher movie marathon. As I watched such horror/slasher classics like My Bloody Valentine, Nightmare On Elm Street, Halloween, Friday The 13th, and Black Christmas it hit me that all of my beloved horror/slasher movies had all been remade. So I decided to sit down in my favorite blood stained chair with a box of my favorite treat of sweet chewy eyeballs and start a second movie marathon watching all of the aforementioned movies remakes. After watching all of the remakes I realised that HOLLWOOD had ruined my two favorite slasher kings franchises Friday The 13th and A Nightmare On Elm Street. I was infuriated! After a late night stroll of some pitch black alley ways to pick up a few new victims to torture and toy with I found myself still pretty pissed off. So I decided to write this little post to all of you shit stains.

So the question is old school vs remakes. In my opinion which of course the only one that really matters anyways, 98% of the time you will absolutely never ever beat the original i.e. the Friday The 13th remake. I'd like to know which HOLLWOOD FUCK STAIN decided to green light that script so I can go find them and have me a screaming good time.

There were just to many wrong decisions made in this movie for it to even be close to being called a good movie. Like stadium lights at the camp I wonder who the fuck came up with that brilliant idea. I can see it now Jason Vorhees walking into a Home Depot and asking the people for help finding stadium lights for his camp of death. If this is what happened I hope that he at least killed everyone in the store afterwards ending his shopping experience in a bloody masacre. Another thing that REALLY PISSED ME OFF the decision of the actor to run instead of walk. Everyone knows that all great slasher villains walk never ever run. And I shall prove that to Mr. actor man after I have taken him to the middle of nowhere and stalk him over several days by only walking. And every time I catch up to him I will cut his sobbing shit covered body until I have pushed him into a very dank dark cave where I will punish and torture him until I finally gut him like the little piggy he is. My final complaint is under ground tunnels. Since when has a killer of Jason Vorhees caliber needed tunnels to get around. If you are as good as villains like me, Jason, or Freddy you don't need tunnels because you know every square inch of your play ground you know every singl short cut to cut your running screaming victims off at every turn of a corner. And that is a fact if you don't think so I guess you will just have to wait for me to come for you and I WILL BE COMING FOR ALL OF YOU SOONER OR LATER!!



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